Driven to pursue...even in discomfort

"What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well last week I watched the pilot for what is now one of my new favorite shows, Billions. It stars one of my favorite actors, Paul Giamatti, as U.S. Attorney Chuck Rhoades. He decides to take on the case of his life by pursuing hedge fund king Bobby Axelrod, played by Damien Lewis. So far both of their performances have been phenomenal. It is the ultimate battle of wits against two very powerful figures. While watching this 59 minute episode, I found myself entranced by both political and financial slang, that I would normally get bored with very quickly. This show somehow is different though. I am not sure what it is, but it has got me hooked. Suddenly I am doing research into certain aspects of criminal studies, as well as financial investing, to better understand the kind of mature and overwhelming dialogue this show spews out at an alarming rate. It was refreshing for someone like me, who at certain times prefers to go for the show or movie that is more likely to just blow shit up, instead of bore with mindless chatter.

The thing about this show that I am ultimately loving is that it drives me to want to do better, to want to be better. Just listening to one side, an evil and corrupt financial investor, who throws around a lot of percentages and mathematical certainties to in the end make millions of dollars a day. Then listening to the other side, a powerful and morally driven attorney, hell-bent on delivering justice to those who have wronged his city, and doing it the right way. It somehow has given me the drive to pursue my dreams, which in my current situation, is something that I have really needed lately.

So on the day that I watched this pilot, I had my first interview here in Northern Cali, at a little locally owned establishment in the town of Folsom. Taking this drive I had from the show, I nailed the interview and was quickly asked back later that evening for what they called a "working interview," where I would work along side the chef for a couple of hours, off the clock, and learn the menu. This establishment, while having a reputation in the community, was a huge disappointment. I was there on a Friday evening so the dinner service was busy, but the chef despite his training was not very professional with his handling the situation.

Now granted the kitchen was about the size of the kitchen here in our apartment, which for a restaurant setting I find ridiculous, but sometimes you have to adapt. But that wasn't the worst part. At one point I asked the chef where the hand-washing station was, at which point I was directed to simply rinse my hands off in some dirty dishwater and keep going. Luckily, I had managed to find some plastic gloves and was able to continue. As the service continued, I was unfortunately subjected to more discomforts, such as the chef throwing dishes and breaking them, one of which nearly hit me. The situation was indeed intolerable, however, thanks to the show I had watched earlier that day, it reminded me that I have a strong work ethic that would get me through the end of the shift, no matter how awful it had become.

A New Beginning

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
~ Henry David Thoreau

Hey guys! Well here I am, doing what I have always done best...writing. It is a passion that I have indulged since I was about 12. It helped me escape the pain of my mother dying, and as a result, I realized that I had a gift, one that I have embraced my whole life. When I moved from Riverside, California to Tucson, Arizona in 1997, I continued to write since the rebellious teenager in me still had a lot of pain suppressed inside, and it came out on the paper with supreme precision. Over the years, unfortunately, I have slipped away from my writing. I took a couple of classes at the community college in Tucson back in 2007 that helped bring me back into it, but unfortunately, the reality of life kicked in once again and I was diverted away from my true passion. Not long after we got settled in here in the Sacramento area, my wife suggested I start a blog to not only keep me busy while looking for a job, but to also just get back into my writing. She knows me too well.

Over the last week, I suffered from some severe home sickness, which I unfortunately let consume me at a rather unhealthy level. Thankfully, I have some amazing friends and family who took the time to talk me through these issues. I had a few sleepless nights, missed a few meals, but I did make it through. There were a lot of walks around the apartment complex with my dog, and a lot of long phone calls, but in the end, I conquered. Now I know that these feelings will never fully go away. Tucson is where I grew up. As a very close friend told me just today, that city shaped me into what I am now, so there is always going to be a bond. What I must do now is find a way to move forward. Once a life has been built here, those memories of Tucson will become that of fondness, not sadness. I have my lovely and amazing wife, my precious little dog, and her family to be my support system. I also have plenty of other friends and family scattered all over that are there for me when I need them.

So here we are, a new day has come. I've got this incredible city in front of me, so much to explore, so much to learn. I've got an old friend from high school that lives here, works at the zoo. Not only will I get to see her for the first time in nearly twenty years, but it will also be fun to take my nephew to see some amazing animals. I also, through a fantastic act of serendipity, ran into one of my childhood friends on Facebook shortly before moving up here, and discovered that she and her family live only about an hour away from us. I am about a month away from seeing a long lost sister that I haven't seen in like 22 years! Insanity! But the best part about this move... I get to see my wife happier than she has ever been. For as long as I have known her, she has wanted to always be near family that loves her, all of the time. She gets that now. It has been worth the sacrifice of uprooting our lives and leaving all that we knew, in order to see the smile on her face everyday when she gets a hug from our precious little nephew, Evan.

A lot of amazing things are ahead of me here in my new home. My wife's Aunt and Uncle live only about an hour and a half away from us. They were the main reason that we chose this city as our new home. They are absolutely incredible people. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They are coming this weekend for the Super Bowl (GO BRONCOS!), and bringing their kayaks down for a little trip down lake Natoma, which is just down the street from us. There will be plenty of fun things like this in the near future. In the Spring I am even going to go fishing for the first time! Yes, you heard me right, 35 years old, and I have never been fishing. #howcanthishappeninamerica It's been a tough couple of months getting from Tucson to here. Over 900 miles in just two days. But we've pretty much settled in. Everyone is developing their routines, and we're making it our happy new home. The rest will fall into place later.