that we fail to see the one that is opened for us.
- Helen Keller
Well I've been gone for a few months...sorry about that. I got the job at the grocery store, and fell into a routine, and before I knew it...boom, four months! A lot has transpired in the last few months. There has been some heavy drama, but there has also been some incredible growth. The last week alone was just phenomenal. I've acquired a new job in food industry management, Linz is doing beyond amazing at her job. We finally purchased a car, and we got ourselves some new phones that we desperately needed. Things are really coming together now. God is doing some of His finest work now that I myself have finally been able to embrace this land as my new home...and left Tucson in my rear-view mirror.
So today we're going to do something a little off-pudding from the normal movie and television reviews. So one of the things that I decided would help in my healing and adjustment here was to write a book about the trauma of my mother's death and how it caused my life to take the course that it took, bringing me to my 18 years in Tucson and now here to Northern California. Well it's been tough to sit down and remember all of the details of that experience. Losing a parent is never easy, and it's definitely that much tougher when you are so young and sheltered by that parent. But I will say that I am proud of myself for deciding to share this with the world.
Well here is an excerpt from the first chapter of my book. I warn you that I cried a little as I was writing it, so have tissues nearby just in case.
I guess it all started the day my mother got sick. That's when this journey truly began. For my entire life, up to that point, I was always under her wing. I was home schooled and heavily sheltered. I had very little interaction with the outside world. I was allowed time with the neighborhood kids, and with kids from the other home school families within the Christian Home School that my mother had founded with one of her friends. We did regular functions such as skate days, where we went to the local roller rink, and park days, which is self-explanatory. As far as I knew, that was the way life went. I didn't know any better. But once she got sick...everything changed. My mother was my everything. She was my best friend, my confidant, she was all I knew really. My friends were great, but the time that I spent with them as opposed to my mother...was hardly comparable.
For six months, she had the absolute worst headaches, I mean they were bad. They would last for days at a time. There was no aspirin strong enough. There was no “getting a good night's rest,” because she just couldn't. Schooling me had pretty much stopped. From what I can remember, I did my own thing. I had workbooks that I could navigate through on my own, so my education continued to a point...but most days I couldn't concentrate. I was too worried about her. See my siblings were so much older, and both married, so my mother was able to focus all of her time on me...and that she did. When I say that she was my best friend, she really was. The only other friends that I really had at the time were my neighborhood friends Jackie (she spells it Jacci now) and LaDenia. I've within the last year reconnected with them (thanks to Facebook), so they will get the opportunity to read this particular section and most likely remember it well.
When we finally broke down and took her to the doctor, the news was the worst we could have ever imagined. A very rare form of liver cancer, caused by stress if I remember correctly. A trait that my family knows all too well, and for those who know me well...know that it's one of my strongest traits unfortunately...this can partially explain that. I had to watch my mother die, and it was no picnic. We had her in home hospice care, and a nurse that at least stayed there during the daytime. When she got worse, and we knew that the time was approaching, we moved her back to the hospital. I still remember clear as crystal, the last time that I saw her awake. I just leaned forward and rested my head on her for about 45 minutes, until my father said it was time to go home. As I left the room I kept my eyes on her, and we stared at each other until we were out of view. She fell into a coma the next day.Well there you have it, a taste of things to come. Now it will probably take me a few months to complete this book, but the outlines are all laid out so its just a matter of getting the chapters written.
For now, call it a tease. Maybe this is the book that I will actually finish. It could also inspire me to finish my first literary project that I started nearly 20 years ago. Till next time y'all!
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy